Tonight at Wal-Mart (yes, they even exist in Argentina) I had what I will probably look back at as one of the most important events in the beginning of my trip. It was a very nice snap back to reality, and back to myself.
When I finally got there (long convoluted cab ride due to the cab drivers rarely understanding when we say English names of places like Wal Mart) Caro and I went around perusing, and I ended up with bug repellent, a big bag of Doritos, and a huge box of Bon o Bons (the all chocolate kind, of course). Let's call it what it is: emotional eating. It's been a rough start, not an awful experience altogether, but definitely nothing like I wanted or expected. So emotional eating has set in, and Doritos and Bon o Bon's definitely fit the ticket.
Anyway, to continue my / our pity party, Caro (she hates that name. I love it.) and I decided to get McDonalds (are we noticing the food trend here?) and I was particularly excited to have a fountain Coke. I rarely ever eat McDonalds in the States, but for some reason I just decided to dive on in. So we get our food and sit down, and almost immediately a little boy came over and asked for monedas (coins), not that we could understand him what with all of the 80s music and his little baby voice, but it's pretty obvious what he was looking for. I've only recently started to come across these little kids but they've started coming out in droves. So we just shake our heads no and continue eating. (Don't worry, don't worry, I'm not heartless- just wait). So then a little girl with a shirt that is entirely too big for her, the v of her v-neck halfway down her chest, approaches us with the same idea. And we just say no again.
I kept watching these kids, seeing them go up to all of the people around us, sometimes asking the same people various times. I see the little girl (5 or 6) go up to what appears to be her sister, 8 or 9 years old, and someone had given them some candy. The little boy was riding around (not that the area was spacious by any means) on a cart, collecting newspapers that were lying around. I'm sure that he was collecting paper to sell back to the recycling companies, which is what fuels the "cartoneo" phenomenon here.
So when Caro and I are leaving, I left my french fries on the table for the kids and hoped that they could use the paper on the tray to sell. I also left a few cents on the table for them, knowing that they would come up and take our leftovers. What actually happened practically blew my mind.
Caro and I had discussed how sometimes it just seems that these kids are greedy, asking for money all the time and not seeming that thankful when you give it to them, but the more I think about it I just can't help but believe that if they're in the situation where they have the audacity to beg for money all the time, then they probably need it. Knowing the economic background of Argentina and the fact that 60% of children live in poverty, you have to assume that these kids really do need the money and this isn't just a fun pastime for them. (I really can't just get to the point can I?) Anyway, as we walk out, I saw the older sister walk over to our table, and as we were at the door Caro and I saw her face light up at the money, which in itself almost made me cry just seeing the joy in her face. So we went to get a taxi home, and the little girl ran out to me saying, "you left some change on the table!"
Basically, this shocked the hell out of us, because these people are so famous for stealing things that we would assume they would take the money and not think twice about it. I told the little girl that it was for her and she could keep it, and I saw her run over to her mother who was sitting outside to show off her earnings. At that point I think is when the scales were lifted off of my eyes. I remember why I was here for the first time in a very, very long time.
Study abroad is generally not a giving thing, it is a getting thing. It's about what this new culture is going to give you, about all the good times you're going to have going out and seeing beautiful sights. But that's not why I've had this passion for Latin America for so long, is it?
My heart has never been about spending time with middle-upper class people, about what they can give me. Instead, I always wanted to come to Argentina so I could give to them. And while this has been my heart's cry for so long, the impoverished people of Latin America, I somehow, lost my grip on that. It is almost embarrassing to me, really. What I've stood for, what I've been about for so long just went down the drain.
I mean obviously I wanted to go to the orphanage around here, because I knew it would help wake me up, but I don't think I realized how thick the scales were around my eyes and my heart until tonight. Thinking about this trip as a luxury, as a vacation that I can enjoy, has only messed me up. Every day I wake up and wait for Argentina to hand me something that day that makes me want to be here more. Every day I fall asleep disappointed. Having heard so much about Córdoba and having so many expectations really messed me up, because I landed with my palms open, just like those little kids.
But the times when I've been most joyful, most fulfilled, have only ever been when I'm not living for me. It's a crazy thing, right? You'd think that if you're living for yourself you'd be so happy, because it's all about you. But it's not. We were not created to feed ourselves. The happiest people I know are the people who have little and are constantly giving of themselves to others. I think of Bryan, the guy in charge of Escuela de Díos in Managua, Nicaragua. He gave up his life in the states to work in a dirty slum, and I cannot imagine the joy that God must poor in his heart every day.
The thing about studying abroad, is that you are constantly being asked, "Are you having a good time!? How is it!? What's it like!? Do you like the food/ your friends/ where you're staying / school, etc!?" It so naturally becomes all about you. It's almost impossible not to become incredibly concerned about yourself and your own happiness, because the focus has inevitably turned inward.
So while I have previously written on a similar subject, I think tonight it has become vivid how deep I was into my own world, the "me first" world (for all you Kanakukers out there). When Caro and I got into the cab tonight, I cannot describe the flood of joy I felt. It's like everything was put into place. Turns out I'm Third makes for a much higher quality of life. Because there's gotta be more to life than chasin down every temporary high (thank you, Stacie Orrico, also a Kanakuker).
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